When I was a little girl, my dad left our family when I was in the 4th grade. He drifted in and out of our lives after that. My mother then became a single mother, raising my two younger sisters and me. To give a bit of background on my mom, she was expelled from her home at 15. She and her older brother were the offspring of her mother’s first husband, who had cheated and then married the other woman. After remarrying and having more children, it seemed as though her mother wanted nothing to do with my mom and her brother. Similarly, my mom’s father, having started a new family, also disconnected from her. So, by the time I was in 4th grade, my mom was navigating life alone. She struggled with mental illness and suffered two nervous breakdowns during our childhood. A few years later, she remarried my stepdad, and they had my brother. Despite these efforts at normalcy, I believe my mom, scarred by abandonment, never truly felt loved. However, I am certain that God was always there for her and us, providing and paving paths where none seemed to exist.

Growing up, we weren’t raised in church, but I recall a few instances when we did attend. Notably, when I was 14, I began walking to a nearby Lutheran church by myself. Sometimes, my mom would encourage my sisters to join me, though they would leave upon arrival. I felt a divine pull towards God, a belief ingrained in me from my earliest memories. Despite experimenting with drugs as a teenager and making several mistakes, I always felt God’s presence, guiding me away from paths He didn’t want me to tread.

At 17, seeking an escape from a challenging home life, I moved in with my then-boyfriend, who turned out to be abusive. By 19, I was married and pregnant, but under threat of abandonment, I chose abortion—a decision that haunts me due to the innocence of the life taken and the possibilities God had planned for us. Yet, in the midst of my pain and regret, God’s forgiveness and mercy have been a balm, teaching me that His love and provision are boundless.

After leaving my abusive husband for Chad, who would become my current husband, we experienced a series of profound spiritual awakenings. Chad’s deployment in 2003 was a challenging period, marked by frightening supernatural experiences that only ceased upon invoking Jesus’ name. These incidents solidified my faith, revealing the power of Christ’s protection and presence.

In 2005, Chad and I were blessed with a daughter, and we both embraced salvation and baptism, marking the beginning of a new chapter in our spiritual journey. Reading the Bible transformed our perception of the world, imbuing it with a sacredness that guides our actions and beliefs. Despite facing tragedies, such as the loss of family members, and personal struggles with anxiety and OCD, my faith has been a source of strength and solace.

Our return to Las Vegas in 2006, shortly before my mother-in-law’s untimely death, felt divinely timed, allowing us precious moments with her. The subsequent years have brought both challenges and blessings, including a move to New Mexico and a renewed closeness with my grandmother before her passing. Through every trial and triumph, God’s unwavering support has been evident.

The onset of menopause, coupled with existing anxiety, has introduced new difficulties, but God’s grace remains constant, enabling me to face each day with hope and gratitude. My journey has taught me the value of community, the power of the Holy Spirit, and the unending love of Jesus Christ. As I navigate the complexities of life, including the anxieties of living in what feels like the end times, my faith remains a beacon of light, guiding me towards purpose and peace. I am profoundly thankful for the lessons learned, the strength gained, and the divine love that envelops me, even in moments of doubt and despair.

Your’s in Christ,

Carlalookingup!